It’s been a while

It’s been quite some time as you can see. I have since had a rough time getting over the passing of my buddy Toshi; it’s really taking a toll on me. It’s hard to even look at a picture of him. But, day-by-day, my grieving is fading. I still miss him and I’m sure I always will. I’m also producing an ambient song in his name, but that’s really coming along at a snail’s pace.

Since then, I’ve suffered a mini-stroke in my left eye causing partial blindness and I’m in the process of cataract surgery. But, I try to move on. I design art and content for T-shirts and clothing now, such as reproducing old art from pulp fiction books and magazine covers; old movie poster art, some AI generated things and text. It’s fun and has evolved into my second online shop – Captain Snarky’s Grafikwear Emporium. Of course I still make alternative jewelry, but not as much as I want to.

I also tried camping, which was a personal failure because I thought I was a young buck again and put a lot of unrealistic expectations on myself and others. A lot of lessons were learned those few days both mentally and physically. I want to try camping again, but I need to lose some weight and get in a little bit better shape. As troublesome as things were, I did have fun.

Lastly, I’ve not picked up my camera since Toshi died – it’s really tough since we chose to euthanize him…it’s different than grieving a pet’s natural death, for me at least. I have a lot of unearned guilt over that, even though it was the best choice. Deep within, I feel like I killed Toshi – even though it was necessary – even though the Veterinarian agreed, and even though I’m told I didn’t by friends and family, I still feel like I did.  Maybe this is why I just don’t feel like taking pictures like I once did; I’m still working on that and I do stay creative though.

Who knows, may tomorrow, or the next day.

Peace,

Mark

“My dreams are simply a battleground where my Angels and Demons fight.” -Emay