A stylized illustration of a happy young man with short brown hair sitting contentedly at a desk in a cozy, vintage, poster-filled bedroom at dusk. He is smiling with his eyes closed and holding a pen. Above him, a large, glowing thought bubble shows a smiling woman with curly brown hair singing and holding lyrics, surrounded by musical notes and hearts. His desk is covered in books, vintage stereo equipment, a record player, and a coffee mug. The walls are adorned with classic band posters (like Led Zeppelin and Boston) and string lights. A loyal beagle dog sits on the floor next to one of the speakers, looking at the man. A vintage CRT TV is on a wooden cabinet, and a large window shows a cityscape at twilight.

Coffee Time Blog 15: The Crushes—The girls I loved, but sorta…

Byemay

Good morning! It’s 10:00 a.m. on Wednesday, March 25, 2026. It’s sunny and cool outside, and it’s coffee time. —–

It’s been three months since I’ve written a Coffee Time entry. I don’t know why, but it’s been a wild and crazy winter—I’ll blame it on that. But I digress. I got to thinking the other day while listening to music about how certain songs take me back to my teenage years in the late seventies. I was just a typical confused kid; I knew I liked girls, and being on the swim team meant seeing them in swimsuits almost every day, which practically killed me.

A bashful 70s schoolboy blushing and scratching his head as a girl walks past in a school hallway. A glowing trail of hearts and musical notes emanates from his head towards her, symbolizing a crush. A Beagle dog sits nearby.

We all know that hearing certain songs can be like a time machine. There are tracks that trigger specific memories on the “crush and love” side of the street. In my lifetime, I’ve had about five or six legitimate crushes. My first, back in the late seventies, was on a girl in high school. I was terrified to talk to her, so nothing ever came of it, but it was the first time I felt such a strong attraction. 

The second time it happened, I was so confused that I mistook friendship for love. I acted crazy trying to let her know I wanted to be her boyfriend, but I didn’t know how. “Stalking” wasn’t really a term back then, but teenage boys would “hang out” outside a girl’s workplace just to talk to her when she came out. She knew me and knew I was there, and she never said anything was wrong or rejected my silliness, but I was too afraid to actually ask her out. I eventually ended up with my first real girlfriend by asking for advice on how to win this girl over, and that brings me to the point of my first legitimate love. My secret advisor and I were friends, and she became my first girlfriend and the first girl I legitimately kissed. In fact, she taught me how to kiss, which was pretty good in my book, though we broke up and eventually drifted apart as we grew older.

I’ve really only loved two women in my life: the first one I just mentioned, eventually broke my heart—my first love and first heartbreak—and the second one, whom I married and am still married to today. Everyone else was simply a crush.

I guess I’m writing in circles, but the point of all this is how music can suddenly flip a switch in our feelings. It’s like mainlining dopamine—you suddenly remember a feeling or a moment with total clarity. 

For some reason, I attached the song “Take the Long Way Home” by Supertramp to that second crush. I remember sitting in my room, listening to it over and over until I couldn’t keep my eyes open. How my parents endured that, I have no idea—though I think I eventually switched to those big, bulky over-the-ear headphones with the coiled telephone-style wire.

There are other songs that make me think of people I otherwise might have forgotten: a couple of Huey Lewis tracks like “Walking On A Thin Line,” almost anything by Boston, and “Hold Me” by Fleetwood Mac. It’s a powerful thing. Whenever I feel down, playing “Take the Long Way Home” takes me back. I even learned to play it on the piano and guitar. I revisit a time that I thought was wonderful but was actually a bit of a nightmare because I never knew what I was doing. 

It’s rough being a teenager. Back then, there were no cell phones or texts. If you had a phone in your room, your parents could ground you just by unplugging it and taking it away. I won’t say it was more difficult than today, because you learn to deal with the environment you’re raised in, but I still wonder about those crushes—what they’re doing now, how many kids they have, and if they are even still alive. For fleeting moments in this old man’s life, they still hold a piece of my heart.

Anyway, that’ll do it for now. I’m thinking too much. Be good to each other and have a great week. Tomorrow, I have my eighth or ninth angioplasty to see what’s going on with a shadow they found on my heart; it seems minor, but we’ll see. I want to leave you with one thought: if a song reminds you of a past relationship or a broken heart, remember that it’s okay to still like the song. Don’t let past relationships rob you of the things that bring you happiness. 

Take care, and I hope to write again soon.

 

Love

Mark

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